ridin' dirty

expired tags and facing your fears

actual footage from my run-in with the law

I work downtown. My job can have some atypical hours, but more often than not I leave the office around 5, which means I get to meander through rush hour traffic. This is a small city, so I don’t want to make it seem like I’m trapped on the LIE pulling my hair out or anything, but there are a lot of cars and not a lot of road at this time of day. I don’t mind traffic all that much. My car’s an automatic, so I’m not constantly fiddling with a clutch. I get to listen to music. Plus, after a long work day, it can be quality alone time to process the day.

But for a few months now, I’ve been a bit anxious about getting stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. My tags were expired, like very expired. Like July expired. The last thing I needed was for some cop to pull up behind me and get a nice long look at my plate. I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping an eye out for cop cars, proactively getting behind them, or ducking another block over, but there’s only so much room to maneuver in traffic.

I know you’re probably thinking:

Just take your car in.

Pay your registration, dummy.

Why put yourself through this?

The long answer probably involves some childhood trauma resulting in an insatiable thirst for low-level tension and drama because anything resembling peace is threatening to my sense of reality.

The short answer is, I was gonna get to it.

Well, as the saying goes: man [procrastinates on] plans and God laughs.

On this particular Monday evening, as I honed in on the perfect song for my drive home, the orange lighting of the sunset abruptly shifted into an all-encompassing sea of blue. I pulled over and graciously accepted my ticket for knowingly operating a vehicle with expired tags.

While in the grand scheme of things, this is a rather small hiccup, I find it to be indicative of a larger problem I have in my life. I avoid things. When a situation is (or could be) uncomfortable, I avoid it. When I fear a (completely imagined) outcome, I avoid it. When I have to handle even the smallest administrative task, I avoid it.

This fear of the unknown, fear of damage to my ego, fear of facing bureaucracy challenges, has plagued me for a long time and has had some damaging effects. In my creative life, this fear stopped me from consistently publishing for a long time and still floods my body whenever I think about submitting something. In relationships, this has shown up as a complete avoidance of conflict, which has led to problems that fester and bridges that burn. In my legal life, it has led to two separate tickets for failing to get my car inspected and pay my registration on time (no, this was not the first time).

I don’t really do resolutions anymore. Instead, I like to think of character traits I want to work on and live more fully into in the year ahead. Going into this year, this next chapter of life, I chose a word to guide me. The word came to me on a night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep despite a flurry of tomorrow-plans, yesterday-regrets, and today-complaints.

Courage.

I read somewhere, or heard from someone, or opened some cookie once that said something like, “courage is being afraid and doing it anyway.”

I’m a sucker for catchy sayings that are way too reductive and way too profound. This explanation of courage, which I’ve heard in a few different ways, really hit home for me. You don’t have to be a calloused, fearless knight running headfirst into the dragon’s den to be courageous. You’re supposed to be afraid. Courage isn’t action free from fear, it’s acting despite it. It’s not letting fear stop you. It’s going forward into the unknown with confidence, faith, and a commitment to your values.

Or something like that.

So this is my resolution, my guiding virtue for the year. To be courageous. To act when I don’t wanna. To do the things that scare me most. To walk into the dark, spooky forest and face whatever scary, crazy, hilarious monsters I encounter.

Including the Registration Monster, who got slayed yesterday.

food for thought

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Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

- Anne Lamott

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a question

What do you want to be true for you in 2025?

If you do write something and you would like to share it, I’d love to read it. You can send it to theguidelines@substack.com or leave a comment.

stuff to share

What are you liking right now? I’m always taking recommendations.

• The music of teacher-turned-rapper D Smoke has been in heavy rotation this week.

• The incredible Coast Contra released a new piece which is pure poetry.

• I’ve been slowly working through Soul Boom by Rainn Wilson.

I have a good feeling about things right now.

Use your no’s to protect your yes’s.

Courage.

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